July Contest: Nice Tight Ash and Mr. Punch Say…
For our July contest, we’ve got one hell of a contest. General Cigar Company is proud to sponsor our Nice Tight Ash and Mr. Punch Say… contest.
What You Have To Do
Simple. Just think of the best line for Mr. Punch to say. For example, “I use my cigar smoke as idiot repellent” or “Nothing beats a nice tight ash!” The Nice Tight Ash crew will pick the top 5 submissions. Submit your line via the comment form below. You can enter once per day for the entire month of July. That’s 31 chances for you to win…
What You Can Win
Grand Prize: A box of Punch cigars and a framed Mr. Punch poster with your winning saying, just like the one above.
Second Prize: 21 Punch Cigars
Third Prize: 15 Punch Cigars
Fourth Prize: 9 Punch Cigars
Fifth Prize: 5 Punch Cigars
The Rules
Just a few basic rules. You may only enter once per day. If you enter two in one day, both will be removed from consideration. Second, you must be 18 years of age or older. Third, the one liner must be appropriate, legal, etc. Last, you must be a U.S. resident to win.
Good luck, and let’s see some good ones!
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Comments
Grr…. DO OVER!
A hot stick! A happy stick! A cherried punch to pierce
The puff and fog
Of any Harry Hypocrite, every Dolly Do-Good!
Although I’m not eligible for the prize (I’m Canadian), I’d just like to throw this one up:
Nice Tight Ash and Mr. Punch say…
“A Punch cigar is one stick I wouldn’t sucking on!”
…shit, that’s why you shouldn’t type anything when you’re drinking! :D
The above quote should read:
“A Punch cigar is one stick I wouldn’t mind sucking on!”
To Labman: I rather hope that what you *really* meant was that Punch is THE “one stick [you] wouldn’t mind sucking on”; otherwise, uh, well, it leaves open certain potentially repellent possibilities…
Not there’s anything wrong with that.
To Ha!: Hah hah hah…yeah, I noticed that after I posted the comment late last night. I fixed it in my second reply! Note to self: “Never drink and type!” LOL.
Why yes young lady that is a churchill in my pocket, would you ever so kind to moisten the cap for me?
typo:Why yes young lady that is a churchill in my pocket, would you ever be so kind to moisten the cap for me?
Who’d be plagued with a wife
That could set himself free
With a pipe or a bowl
Or a good stick, like me!
Tasted my first woman and my first cigar on the same day;
I have had little patience for women since.
If it raises your spirits
And inspires you with noble and manly thoughts,
Seek for no further test of excellence:
Trust your taste.
Hrmph: wish there were an edit feature…
Small edits to the above:
If it raises the spirits,
Inspiring noble and manly thoughts,
Seek no further test of excellence:
Trust your taste.
“Get me re-write!”
I would prefer, if you please, to edit the above to read:
Draw the Envy of Every
Toby-tonguing Ash-Ho
[ed. note: In addition to being slang, chiefly Brit., for an inferior or cheap cigar--or, more generally, tobacco itself, e.g., pipe tobacco--Toby is the name of Mr. Punch's dog.]
Or better yet: “Toby-tongued” (complete with accent grave!)
That would reduce the overt inferences but increase the more subversive undertones.
So, strike the previous two versions; replace with:
Draws the Envy of Every
Toby-tonguèd Ash-ho.
Tried switching to gum, but I couldn’t keep it lit.
[Ed. notes from prior entries:
The other "fine statesman" was Bill Clinton, quoted after, um, 'retrieving' his cigar from Ms. Lewinsky.
"Making idiots cry... since 1840" refers to the origination of the Punch brand of cigars; the first reference to Mr. Punch himself (in England) was circa 1662.
"That's the way to do it" is the traditional refrain spouted by Mr. Punch every time he beats, maims, or kills another character in the (uh, rather violent, by today's standards) classical Punch & Judy presentations.
The rhymed quartet ("Who'd be plagued with a wife...") was adapted from a bit in the classical Punch & Judy script.]
An ornament in prosperity;
A refuge in adversity.
(Cigar’s pretty good, too.)
[ed. note: Just kidding: while there is humor in repetition, please strike the above parenthetical.]
I supposed to be a professional clown, but it seems like the anti smoking legislation movement is making the job market a bit more competitive.
[Ed. note: with regard to the above statement, one could make the argument that a shorter version--employing simply the final three words: "Could be bigger"--would be more ambiguous, perhaps funnier. Lil feedback here...?
Mulling... Reviewing the poster; picturing the words...
Yes; I submit that the above should be shortened to simply: "Could be bigger..."]
Ach! Help! EARWORM!!!
I like. Big. BUTTS! an’ I cay-not LIE
You otherbruthaz cayn’t dee-NY
When’a stick walks in widda itty-bitty waist
Ann-a ROUN’ thing in yo’ face
You. Get. SPRUNG!
Wanna pull up TUFF
Cuz you notice that butt was STUFF’D
Ecua-DOR-an she be WEAR-in’
Habano-SEED iz got me STARE-in’
Oh. Punch. Bay-BEE!
I wanna get WIT’cha
… An’ take your PITCH-ah
My homeboyz tried to WAHN me
But thatbutt yougot make
“Me So Hohn-ey”
Ooh, rump of smooth skin…
Punch, youwannaget in my Benz?
Well USE me, USE me–cuz you ain’t that average GROU-py!
(Oh deah lawdy… He’p me, PLEASE!)
“Every body has a favorite cigar….till they get PUNCHED in the face!”
A take off from a quote from the intellectual scholar Mike Tyson
“Eveybody has a game plan till they get punched in the face.” Gotta love a quote from Tyson, just imagine the voice
I’ve got your Healthcare Reform right here…!
Have a PUNCH with a Nice Tight Ash and
call me in the morning.
A good Punch is the only remedy for a puppet.